Roping my Ranch Laptop

“You don’t need more tabs. You need therapy.”

Photo by Chuck Danger on Unsplash

ME-you know that I try to write and publish every day. it’s not always pretty, but it’s always something.

Today, I had someone ask me if I knew of a proper number of tabs I could have open at any given time on my old Commodore 64.

I said- What if we give the old tech ranch hand a shot at that question.

So I asked him straight up, hey, man, are 45 or 46 tabs too many to run on my little old laptop?

When you open 40+ browser tabs on top of that, your system starts:

• Swapping memory to your hard drive (slows everything down)

• Overloading your GPU (glitchy rendering, lag)

• Heating up like Spot after chili night

Ranch Rule of Thumb

If your laptop starts sounding like it’s gonna take flight, it’s time to shut some tabs.

ME-SO JUST WHIPPIN IT DOESN’T HELP?

Sadly, just whippin’ it—the laptop, the desk, or the tab overload—does not help, unless your goal is to

• Crash the system

• Launch your cooling fan into low Earth orbit

• Or make Spot go hide under the porch

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ME-Real Talk: What Does Help?

Cut Tabs Ruthlessly

Like cattle from a herd

• Open only what you need for the task at hand

• Use something like OneTab to stash the rest in one click

Restart Your Laptop Weekly (or daily)

A good ol’ reboot flushes memory leaks and clears out EXTRA CRAP.

Keep 3D software on its own

Close your browser when doing heavy 3D work—just run that one app, and let your machine breathe.

But If You Must Multi-Tab...

Do this

• Pause YouTube/Spotify

• Suspend unused tabs (use The Great Suspender or similar)

• Avoid having Google Docs + ChatGPT + Canva + 3D software open at once—this is how RAM cries

---

If you really want to keep whipping it, I suggest switching to a mechanical bull. The ride might be smoother.

ME- MY NEIGHBOR, LITTLE DRUMMER-BOY, KEPT TELLIN ME "STOP WHIPPIN' THAT BAYSTARD!"

ME- LOOK WHO’S TALKING, YOU DRUM BEATING JACK A**!

But the laptop kept crashin’, and the tabs kept breedin’ like rabbits.

And now, "Whippin' That Baystard" is a whole brand.

ME- LIKE "WHIPPIN' THAT BAYSTARD" LEISURE WEAR?

Now you’re talkin’.

The “WHIPPIN’ THAT BAYSTARD” Lifestyle Collection

Slogan Ideas

• Front: WHIPPIN’ THAT BAYSTARD
  Back: Too Many Tabs. Not Enough RAM.
  —

• “Little Drummer Boy Said No” (across the chest)
  “I said yessir and whipped it anyway.” (sleeve patch)

• Spot-Approved Edition:
  Spot says: close your tabs before you crash your life.

Possible Products

• Distressed denim hat (with overheating laptop stitched in)

• Thermal coffee mug: keeps your chili hot while your CPU melts

• Mouse pad: “You don’t need more tabs. You need therapy.”

• T-shirt (Midnight Black): Ranch WiFi + Rage = Productivity

• Limited-edition hoodie: With duct tape X’d across the front zipper

• Let’s Brand It.

  WHIPPIN’ THAT BAYSTARD™
  A lifestyle for those living on the edge of RAM and reason.