Observations on Ultrasound Scans of my Aorta and Legs.
Not just another ride at the fair.
First my aorta.
I had to get my uncooperative body onto a special yet uncomfortable bed, so the examiner could have me pull up my shirt, thus fully exposing my rather ripped six-pack abs.
She began painfully poking around all over my abdominal area, trying to measure clearances. The soundtrack of my heart was boring at best but was much better than the “Hooked on the Classics” soundtrack I was exposed to for hours during my last MRI.
There was also the introduction of some attractive colors on this screen, reminiscent of weather radar and the Fillmore West posters produced by the Family Dog.
I had been told not to ( and did not ) eat for six hours prior to the time of my appointment, so I am unclear as to how this occurred.
“I’ve got an amount of gas in the way here.”
“In the way of my aorta?”
“The view of your aorta. We call it Wind in the Willows. I’ll simply have to push harder and more painfully, but we can work around it.”
“Thanks,” I said sheepishly.
On to my legs!
I had advance visions of a quick scan of my manly, yet courteous ankles, but that was not the case either. It turned out that in their search for a blood clot, they were needing my entire leg. The whole thing. Both of them.
I think I may have had on some underwear embroidered “July,” but I’m not sure that any one thing was responsible for all the unprofessional grins. General patient shaming, perhaps.
Lastly.
I am told the crimson flag they put on my file meant “No Blood Clot Found.”
Thanks for reading.
Notes & back pages for this story, if any, will eventually be found HERE.
Since you are here on MEDIUM, I am fairly sure you are a voracious reader. HERE and HERE are a couple of the last stories I have published. In the event you have missed any of them, reading them now will help you preserve your dignity.
