Feeling Important in Communication
Part Four of Comfort Psychology
Part Four of Comfort Psychology
Social media — can anybody hear me?
Everybody has a podium. It makes them feel important. Probably the most feared thing to the American human being is the fear of public speaking. We get terrible cases of butterflies and most of the time we will simply find a way to avoid standing in front of people and giving a talk.
It’s odd that at the same time, many people I feel as though their voices simply are not being heard. They want to be recognized. They want to be listened to.
They want to speak to all of us without the public speaking part that makes anyone nervous.
Now we avoid that problem with social media. We have Twitter and Facebook and Linkedin and 100 other platforms where we can vent our frustrations, post our feelings, and tell our opinions. The popularity of these platforms has grown tremendously.
Depending on our interest we may have followers that number up into the hundreds or possibly even thousands. Social media operates on a series of algorithms that, oddly enough, filter the number of people we can hear from or speak to.
I know it makes us feel great if we speak to what we perceive to be 1000 people, even though in actuality, we are probably speaking to a fraction of that. It feels as though at least somebody is hearing us. Some people even respond to us.
Everybody has a camera. Cell phones have built-in cameras. Each year the quality of the camera seems to get better and better. The cameras can usually record video as well as still photography.
So now we can not only take a selfie of ourselves, we can also shoot a video of ourselves. We can post that video on all the social media platforms and do our public speaking without the accompanying butterflies.
Now, if that is our intent, we can arrange it so that our opinions, thoughts, and faces are in a lot of places. We can be in front of a lot of people. The number of people following us on these platforms acts as a yardstick for our importance.
Spokespeople are often used to put spin — tell us what we actually saw — what they want us to think we saw. Spokespeople are used by companies and industries to shape public thought and dialog in whatever direction they feel is important. It is the ultimate and professional selfie.
Personal communication
People hear what they want to hear. It is odd, but it has been long recognized that much of the time, people do hear only what they want to hear. If they hear something that is not in line with their own opinions or perceptions, they will tend to disregard what they heard. Sometimes it is as though they do not hear it at all.
The trouble is that most people operate with a filter on what they hear and understand. We can’t tell by looking at them what are they allowing past the filter, and what they are ignoring. Dialogues with individuals that begin in some matter by making them feel important will take a higher priority getting past a person’s filters.
Weasel words — Over the years I have developed one modification in the way I speak to people. It began with the way I spoke with customers in my business, but the more I did it, the more I realized I should use it in all my conversations.
In anything that you say to another person, there are at least a couple of ways to say it. There is a straight to the truth way, and there is a softer presentation of the same conversation. Following are a couple of examples said I had developed over time in my own business.
Are you working with an agent? I advise my customers that when someone calls them regarding their house for sale, the first question they should ask is “are you working with an agent?”
The reason for this, not to go into great detail here, is that if the individual is an agent or is working with an agent, there are different directions and necessities. It would be foolish to work with someone as though they were not with an agent, only to discover did they did have an agent.
I tried to get them to reply if they are working with an agent “I don’t want to step on any toes, so if you would, just have your agent get in touch with me to coordinate this.” This is like saying “I don’t want to talk to you but I will talk to your agent” in a softer, gentler tone.
The seller said- Sometimes when I would present an offer to a seller I was representing, they would respond with a series of expletives that I knew would be counterproductive for the prospective buyer to hear. I would convert their statement using Weasel words into something like “they said ‘gosh we are so close and we would love to see them by this house, but we need a little something different’ “…
If they were showing their house, I would try to have them say, “You folks know what you're looking for.” I would try to teach them to let prospects look and not try to give a tour. They should sit down on the couch and say, “you folks know what you’re looking for, make yourselves at home. We’ll be right here on the couch so if you have any questions, just holler up.”
This sounds homey, but it takes a lot of pressure off prospects, and lets them feel more comfortable.
Let them preserve their dignity — Sometimes I’ll write instructions for different operations whether it’s for customers or other constituents. I will occasionally get a phone call chiding me about something that I said wrong or neglected to say in the instructions.
In a situation like that, what I really want to tell them just to read or re-read the instructions. But I try to take a step back or try and remember to let the other person preserve his dignity. Instead, I will say “I meant to say blah blah blah. If you’re looking at it could you please tell me if I said what I said?”
That gives them the opportunity to slow down and actually look at and read my instructions. Even if it is only a sentence or two, sometimes people are in a hurry. Unless you stop them and have them look, they may read something entirely different.
The trick is, you don’t want to insult them. You want to let them preserve their dignity, and let them feel comfortable with you.
Non-personal communication
My experience with instructions. I have just been talking about my experience with instructions. my business involves a series of different systems. the users of my systems our customers, other agents, and the General Public.
I had the option of letting my systems function the way I designed them or not. People other than myself can use the systems, but would be well served to read a couple of sentences of instructions before they start.
I can either explain the process to each new individual, or I can do short instructions they could access anytime and not wait until they actually talk to me in person.
Increasingly, people are becoming less likely to read instructions. If they do glance at them, they are becoming less likely to read them completely or try to understand them.
I do not weep for mankind because of this, I simply try to find ways to communicate more effectively.
Is reading a lost art?
Reading is possibly becoming a lost art. Reading is a bit like any other muscle. If it is not exercised, it will weaken and atrophy. I don’t mean that the words will become less recognizable. It’s just that the reading speed will slow down and the comprehension will diminish.
Is video any better at communication?
Video, and to some extent, just audio without video has become better means of communicating with people. I don’t think it’s because people are lazy, but I do feel that we have possibly lost some of our ability to focus. We used to focus on a task until it was complete. Now we like to think we are multitasking instead. Reading takes a lot more focus than listening.
If you have a message to communicate, you will be better served using an enhanced medium beyond the written. Using some mixed media, audio and/or video with your reading makes people more comfortable, and allows you to take advantage of shorter attention spans by using smaller information packets.
These concepts should be regarded even in an article such as this one. We may have an uphill battle sometimes making people read. People have what is called “monkey-mind,” and keep jumping to various considerations while they should be focusing on what they’re reading.
It is therefore even more important how you use the first and last few paragraphs of each piece. The old adage is “We start by telling people what we are going to tell them. Then we tell him. Then we tell him what we told them.”
In essence, the highest and best real estate in your story will be the beginning and the end. To get the most out of anything in the middle, you need to be sure to direct them there from the beginning and the end.
What we have tried to demonstrate is that communication is an ever-changing landscape. It may be easier or harder depending on how you approach it. I contend that the more comfortable you can make people with whatever your method, the more thoroughly they will understand your message.
Everyone is in hurry to get to the end.
Next in this series, we will examine comfort as it exists with marketing.
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